My first observation as a child concerned the amount of attention I received from Santa. I have found him to possibly have an attention span problem, or be one super busy and distracted individual. Dealing direct with this man seldom proved successful. I wrote secret letters to Santa well in advance of each and every Christmas as a child. During one short period I attempted to go over his head and wrote to Mrs. Claus. All letters were properly addressed, stamped with correct postage to cover the bulk of the wish list, then sealed. Each letter was clearly addressed directly to the North Pole and when ZIP codes were introduced I used the proper number. It did not take long for me to realize Santa does not read his mail very closely or answer his correspondence. I made the decision to take my Christmas gift list directly to the man, bypassing the possibility of letters lost by the postal service.
I asked my parents to take me to see Santa in person. As luck would have it, he came to the same department store in our area each year. Sitting in his lap, whispering my list into his ear, did not seem to satisfy the situation. Perhaps it was my being in line with all those other little 'givemes'. I now know I needed a hook or ploy of some type to make me stand out in his memory. Today I am about the same age as Santa seemed to me back then, so sitting in his lap is probably no longer a viable alternative. Had I the benefit of reading the great philosophers Calvin & Hobbes while younger, I believe this dilemma could have been solved when needed.
All my Christmas lists from childhood, through my teen years and into my early twenties, were at best hit and miss. Sometimes a total miss. Not a single requested item would appear under the tree in the year requested. Occasionally one or two items would appear gaily wrapped and awaiting opening, but I never could get a firm grasp on how the system operated, and then work it consistently. However, I never gave up and my belief remained strong.
Today, I am thankful for my perseverance, for I feel I have been blessed with a revelation. One I can now share with you. First one must realize that Santa Claus has a life of his own. A history. Before he became commercialized, Santa Claus was originally St. Nicholas. He came up through a religious system. Once I knew his background, the rest was easy.
I now handle requests just like I do in church. Everyone knows how busy God is, so people use go-betweens called Saints. I pick an expert in my field of need or want and let the Saint go to work on my behalf. Makes sense once you stop to think about it. All of this came to me during my first relationship with a significant partner. I began to notice, after a few Christmases, that talking to her about what I wanted for Christmas or marking pictures in catalogs produced results never before realized. If you complete the logic, this would make my partner an intermediary, or Saint. That part of the system logic boggles my mind to this day.
I may be a bit slow on the uptake, but now that the system has been revealed to me, I am becoming somewhat of an expert. The following materials are required for effective and competent Christmas listing.
 |
Sheets of ruled, plain white paper, preferably torn from a spiral notebook. If the gift list has a high priority, use a child's school tablet with the large ruled lines. |
|
Also needed is a number two leaded pencil with blunt lead. |
|
A red felt tip pen is indispensable for the next step. Always print legibly in lower case. If anyone is watching, such as my significant partner, I always make sure to frown and have the tip of my tongue exposed from the corner of my mouth so she will realize how hard I am concentrating. This display of concentrated effort is somewhat more effective for a male. Women love children. Most women are convinced men never grew up. Therefore childlike behavior from an adult male is hard to resist. |
|
All lists, when completed, must be left on the kitchen table, or the coffee table in plain view. |
For the second part, illustrated gardening catalogs from various companies are required. I use the red felt tip pen to circle photos and paragraphs describing my needed treasurers. Price is circled along with the number needed. Catalogs must be left open to the marked pages and strategically placed in the same locations as the lists. Keeping the creativity flowing, I do not neglect first, second and third choices. Sometimes Santa does run short and must substitute or back order. I want what I want when I want it, same as any other child, so back orders not arriving by December 25th are always disappointing.